i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
