i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
