gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
