i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
