She's JV to your varsity
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
