if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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