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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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