WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
