That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
