gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
