Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
