i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
