as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
