8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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