How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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