My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
