TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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