I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
