I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
