No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
