Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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