We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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