What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
