my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it's like iHOP with fire
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
