i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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