some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this boner is exhausting
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
