Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
