I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
