I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And then he peed in my hair
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