nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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