she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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