I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
