U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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