HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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