I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
