can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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