Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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