Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My feet surprised me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
