i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
