I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
