dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
