so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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