So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
