someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
