I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
