Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
