she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
