i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
