i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
