My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
