Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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