Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize