Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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