Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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