I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
