I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I want is dick and wine.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
