So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
