My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I touched a dick in church today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
