I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
