She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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