I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
