i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
